Hearts and Cupids and all that Stuff

Because this started as a walking blog, I must write that I have lost 25lbs since I started this. Part of it was by walking, which I am once again at with some regularity. Some has been because of stress, and also an illness.......and I still have a long way to go. But I am happy to see that weight gone. I will not miss it. It is funny to be doing something and find myself hiking up my jeans, instead of dying to get out of them. So, that is a good thing in my otherwise pretty convoluted life. My silly life that just keeps getting more complicated, in no small part because of me. We have, in the past 4 weeks, suffered a job loss that has had a terrible effect on my family. And as I have previously written, my marriage has been possibly irreparably damaged. Or maybe it can be repaired. Maybe we both just don't know how, or even want to repair it right now. And tomorrow is Valentine's Day....which is truly a "Hallmark Holiday" more than anything. I like to get my children a few sweet, kinda precious things for Valentine's Day. But I don't really expect anything. And maybe that's the problem. Maybe I should expect a wonderfully romantic, textbook kinda Jane Austin-ishy, Victoria's Secret, all full blown dinner and chocolate's and jewelry kind of Valentine's Day. And maybe that would help things. And maybe it wouldn't. Freaking apathy. Or maybe not......... I know my husband very well. I know what he is capable of, and what he won't do. And maybe that is the problem too. Not to mention me. I will work all day tomorrow, then be tired and grouchy. (and stinky!!) I have something little planned for my children. But nothing planned for him. I really wasn't in the mood. I went back and read my anniversary post. It was sweet, and really filled with hope. I just don't think I am there anymore. (or at least right now.) Maybe I shouldn't say that, because I truly believe there is always hope. There really is. It is better when it comes with a box of chocolates, or perfume, or jewelry.............But it's (in my case anyway) also lovely when it comes with the prospect of a new job, or stress being lessened because of an ease in financial strain. AT any rate, I hope my friends and family have a good tomorrow. I wish you lots of hearts and candy and romance and Michael Buble tickets. Somebody needs to take advantage of a day dedicated to romance. I wish that for the people I love..................oh, hell, and maybe even for me..........................