I am going to try something here. It's no secret that I have been dealing with some heavy handed feelings lately. Unhappiness seems to permeate from my every pore. Things in my house have unfortunately become untenable lately. Okay....so that's the way it is. I am tired of listening to myself whine. And while turning this thing around, or just getting through it may not happen today (though I am trying!) there is something I can do. I am gonna focus on what makes me happy. And what makes the people I love happy. What makes YOU happy!!
If you are a parent, it is a bit of a cop-out to say our "children" make us happy. Though their general presence may indeed make us happy, I think on a deeper level, it's the more distinctive traits they display that make us (me) happy. When my children were babies, I used to relish that point while nursing when they would look me in the eyes. They all 3 did it and it was so freaking sweet. Genny did it while kicking me in my chest. She was undoubtedly a most flexible baby. Her little foot was constantly thumping me in my chest. Samuel was rough as hell, but he would look at me in the eyes, and I would simply want him to stay in that moment forever. Livvy would hum while she nursed, looking up at me with enormous green eyes. When they started to get a little older and their personalities started to emerge.....well that made me happy. It still does. I remember being at the playground with Livvy when she was just about 3. Genny was an infant. Liv was running and singing and playing when she stopped and looked at me and said "Mommy, I just love spending time with me!" ANd Genevieve.....thank goodness she was adorable, because she drove me nuts. She did not like to be away from me, and I would drag her wrapped around my ankle while I did laundry. When we were stationed in Germany her favorite song was "All-Star." Her favorite place to sing it at the tops of her lungs was in German department stores or restaurants. The only 2 words I could usually make out from the German's were "Shrek" and "Americans." They were not smiling when they said it. Then there is my little guy, who is about to turn 5. His personality comes out in jumps and starts. He was late to talk, and now never hushes. He has a lisp or a bit of a speech issue (as does Genny) but nothing I am in any hurry for him to change. He loves "army guys" (his term) and tractors and trains. He does not like dogs very much. He does an excellent robot dance for a white guy. Yeah, he makes me pretty happy. They all do.
Make-up makes my mom happy. Sexy shoes make my sister happy. The Andy Griffith Show makes my dad happy. Her chocolate lab makes my step-mother happy. I like clean underwear, clean sheets, and folding laundry. (I will fold it at your house if you have it. My friend Stacy says I have a laundry Zen thing.) I like to bake. I like a good comedian. John Stewart makes me happy. Margret Cho makes me happy.
If you are an actor, does opening night make you happy? Or is it the rehearsal process that makes you happy? When I was doing theater, it was alwyas the first dress rehearsal that made me happy. All that work, then you watch everyone transform as they put on costumes. The witnessing of characters coming to life. That made me happy! The thought still does.
If you are an artist or designer is it the process or the product that makes you happy? Maybe it is both. Maybe it is the idea of a new project that makes you happy. I like to think of it. It makes me happy.
What movies make you happy? I can't watch Napolean Dynamite without starting to smile when Pedro realises he's won the election. The ending of that movie truly makes me happy.
They Might Be Giants makes me happy. Sonic makes me happy. Climbing in bed with a brand new novel that smells soooo good, makes me happy.
Hearing my children laugh makes me happy.
Seeing Kelly makes me happy. Thai food with Becky makes me happy. Going on ridiculously long drives with Stacy makes me happy. Watching "Fin and Euba" makes me happy. Singing "I was there to Hear Your Borning cry" makes me happy. Spending time with my sister, any kind of time, makes me happy. Hearing my Grandparents talk about their 63 years together makes me happy. Being with my extended family makes me very happy. Reconnecting with people who meant so much to me at different times of my life, well, that makes me happy.
I know I am skipping over people and things. This is just a start for me. I am not sure what this week is going to hold. Things are bad. But I am going to try and carry these mustard seeds of happiness with me. My guess is they will come to me tenfold. Now I am gonna go hang with my little guy. And that makes me happy.
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good approach. think it and it is true!
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