Oh Sir Mix-a-lot....where art thou??

Today, my walk was long and lovely. I started at the beautiful new library here in town, which has a great trail all around it. It's hot, but the signs of fall are everywhere. Trees have begun to take on a very tired, haggered look, as if they are begging for the makeover they will get in October. It's not AS humid as it was, and the poor, noisy cicadas are screaming their last ridiculous songs. When I walk, I don't take my MP3 player with me. It's got a bunch of stuff on it I love, but there are a couple of reasons I don't take it. I love to hear noise. The birds, the train, dogs, even traffic, help me move along. But I am a little bit afraid that if I wear my MP3 player, I might embarrass myself. You see, I sing when I have it on. I cannot help it, or control it. And since I cannot hear myself, God knows how I sound. ANd I am not sure how my fellow walkers (and runners) would feel about being serenaded with a really bad rendition of Lilly Allen's Alfie. (though it did just occur to me that all the other walkers and runners are wearing music players as well......) So I walk tuneless, though I still sometimes sing....just I can hear myself.

Today as I was holding the front door for my pre-schooler, my husband told me my calf's were looking nice. I was delighted by the compliment. Not that he doesn't compliment me, just that I have really been working hard at this, and he noticed. As I started walking, I was sort of chanting things to myself. I noticed that I am not very kind to myself. I was singing (to myself)..."Boobs, belly, butt and thighs butt and thighs" to the tune of "Head, shoulders, knees and toes." There was a time in my life where I would have paid for big boobs. Now I just want them to not be so ostentatious. Granted, I did breastfeed 3 kids a cumulative of over 5 years, but uuuggghhhh.......they are like pendulums attached to my chest. So I am still not being kind to myself. These were life-giving boobies. I need to be nicer to them!! Why is it so hard to be kind to ones self? Then I skip down to my belly....yuck. Okay, that wasn't very kind either, now was it? Then the butt........oh man, big butts have been so celebrated as of late. But a big ole "mom butt" is not a pretty thing. See....listen to me....so hard to be nice. Know what, I am going to skip the thighs all together!! I don't want to self bash. I know my body is better than it was 6 weeks ago. I really want to celebrate that. And I am so lucky to be healthy!! I also know that self bashing is not going to do me any good. I had this beautiful friend who had the prettiest legs. All she did was talk about how fat she was (she was not!). I would get so frustrated with her. I don't want to fall into the routine of fishing for compliments either.."What? You are NOT fat!! Now so & so is fat! But not you!" It's so disingenuous to do that. I am more than my body. And taking care of myself is great.....but being kind to myself, well that's a challenge. I want to be grateful (again with the gratitude) for what I have, and take good care of it. I have to make friends with myself. But I still don't want to sing out loud while I am walking. Maybe someday. But it will be a nice song. I'm taking requests.................