O Mother Where Art Thou??????? Seriously.....

I am just wondering why Mother's Day cards don't ever say "Mom, you were a real bitch. Thank you!" They are always pink and flowery. The look like Willow Tree figurines. Everything is always so soft and muted. The edges are always scalloped and even lacy. The poems inside are poems of perfection. They talk about how sweet Mom is. How kind, understanding, yet firm and dear. They are, in a word, lies! They short-change moms. I don't know about anyone else, but I rarely walk around in a large straw hat and pink dress holding the hand's of my daughter's who are looking up at me adoringly. It just doesn't work that way in my world. I am far more likely to be standing, disheveled at my front door begging someone (anyone) to please put on shoes so they will not step in the broken glass that I tried to clean up, but failed miserably! Or I am standing, confused, at the top of the stairs in my pj's telling one of my girl's that she cannot wear that top, or those jeans, or that sweater, dress, coat, etc....to school.

Motherhood is not pretty.

It was, I think, at one time. When my children were babies and I could sit on a quilt in a field nursing them to sleep. But maybe the reality of that scene is that I was sitting in a field nursing with sore nipples, sweat running down my back, hungry and praying that my baby (all of them) would just PLEASE go to sleep. (None of mine were good sleepers!)

When my oldest was small, I hoped upon hope that every accolade I laid upon her was some sort of armor against the hell of adolescence. (*sigh* they weren't...). I hoped against hope that every story read, every song sung was armor against struggles in school. (nope....). Sometimes I feel like my Mommy report card isn't looking to hot. Like maybe I should be sent to Mommy detention or ISS so I can reflect on my shortcomings. But Hell.........I am here. Trying to work through my life and role as a mother the best I know how. Sometimes it just wears me out. Sometimes it buoys me beyond measure. Sometimes I catch just glimpses of things that make it all so worthwhile. There are other times where I am on my knees, sobbing, wondering why I ever thought I should do this in the first place. Motherhood is such a process. I always feel as if I am in unchartered waters, whether others have been there or not.

If I seem ungrateful....maybe I am. To be brutally honest, nothing scares me more than the thought of losing one of my children. But I just can't be all rainbows and ribbons about Motherhood. It is slogging trough the trenches on a daily basis. But then I find myself in the most delightful conversations. I am given insight from my children I never dreamed they were even capable of. Or I simply wake up, as I did this morning, to the sound of one of them singing in the shower. I know then and there it is all worth it. Those tiny pearls that I can hold onto. Those little pieces of conversation that make it so worth the journey. I think sometimes I could be an Atheist if it weren't for my children. They are such gifts. They are the real deal. So maybe now I am getting all pink and prosey. I guess I cannot help myself. They are my blessings. I am going to stop now before I start to get mushy. But to all my Mother (and Step-Mother and Aunt) friends out there.......I know you are far more than a kind smile and a flowy dress. You are out there kicking ass for the children that you love every single day. More power to you! Happy Mother's Day!