Laundry and Babbling

It was while performing the most mundane of tasks that I found myself on my knees, fighting tears and panic. I was simply matching socks. ANd as I matched some of my 5 year old son's socks, the actuality of his fading babyhood nearly took my breath away. He is not a baby anymore. On Friday, I register him for kindergarten. In truth, I am happy about it. He is so ready now. He counts everything, constantly, especially money. Also, he is bored here with me. He was doing well in pre-school. But the job loss took that luxury from him. At any rate he is ready. I am pretty sure I am.

When both my girls started kindergarten, after I left their schools, where they were confidently bouncing around their new classrooms, I went home and sobbed. It was such a rite of passage. In truth, I am not one of those Mom's who feels the need to be involved in every aspect of my childrens lives. But this final stepping stone from babyhood to big kidness really gets me. I will admit I am one of those moms who has a problem identifying what and who I am, and what my next step should be. As I type this, he is sitting on the floor playing with his Lego's. He is still so little. Yet he is not a baby anymore. And as I am reminded every time I look at his almost 13 year old sister, this little kid time is fleeting.

I do rejoice in my children growing up. I delight in seeing them try new things, and in watching them become the wonderful people they are going to be. I feel like I am just starting to stick my very own toes in the water, to see what's out there for me. But I miss their littleness. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only Mama who cries when it is time to pack away one seasons clothing and pull out another. It is always an "in your face" wake-up call to how much they have grown. And I do realize that there are mothers out there who have never had the chance to get this far. That they must hold on to a pair of socks forever because they will not get to match a larger pair. It is a mundane task, sorting socks, and sometimes even raising children. But I am so glad for the mundane. I just have to remind myself just how sublime the mundane can actually be.